Twinkies in the closet

We just got back from a week in Corpus Christi visiting family. I have two aunts there- one has three children, the other four. Both have children with the energy of a dozen children all wrapped up into one precious little body. Our time there earned them a new respect in my eyes, and made me realize this child in my belly may be our last (haha). I love Carter to death, but sometimes, just sometimes, I need to break away. Just for a moment. Well this evening our church had a fun night planned for kids and Carter was super excited to go. And I was super excited to take him! I wrote a HUGE grocery list- like I am stocking our house for full meals for two weeks straight. And I was excited about doing that. Usually I keep shopping trips fairly short, and make sure to pack a good book, drink, and snack for Carter. Come on, a 6 year old's patience for grocery shopping can only last so long. But tonight I was going to be alone and I could take however long I wanted. I got to church (just 5 minutes early), and as I'm signing Carter in I see another mommy friend next to me. I asked her, "So what are your big plans tonight?" Her eyes lit up with excitement as she said, "Oh, my husband and I are going to dinner! What are you doing?" I answered with equal excitement, "I'm going grocery shopping!" I was that excited. I walked Carter to the appropriate building and gave him a gentle nudge to go ahead and walk in. He didn't move forward. In fact, he didn't move at all. He was clinging to my leg. My heart started to beat a little faster as I saw visions of me at the grocery store, but I wasn't alone. I was panicking. "Carter, what are you doing? This is it- come on, let's go see what all they've got in here for you!" Lazer lights, glow sticks, face painting, and games- none of it mattered. He didn't see anyone he knew and he was not comfortable with me leaving. He wanted me to stay, then he wanted me to leave, then he wanted us both to leave. Now, my patience level is real thin these days, so I had to make something clear. "I am not playing a game with you right now Carter. You either stay and have fun, or you're going to the grocery store with me. No back and forth- be decisive." (My intention was to scare him into staying- he strongly dislikes the grocery shopping. But... my plan failed.) Carter responded, "Fine, then I'm going with you." As we began to walk back towards the car, however, he changed his mind again and said he wanted to stay. If I demand that he not be indecisive, then I can't very well change what I said either. Dangit. So we walked out of church, both sad (him shedding actual tears), and loaded up to go to the store. I wasn't planning on Carter being with me (as in I had no games/book/etc), so we had to make-do at the store. He went through everything in my purse, ate my gum, drank my drink and cried about he really wished he was at church. Now what point was I really trying to make with all this "be decisive" business?
After a very long grocery 'adventure' I came home, unloaded everything, and made Carter some dinner (since he wasn't eating the pizza I had already paid for at 'fun night'). I headed to the bathroom thinking I could be alone just for a moment, but I was caught before I could even shut the door. "Mommy, could I have some chocolate milk with my dinner?" Seriously, can I pee alone?? Suddenly, I remembered something my mom had said to me a long time ago. When you have kids, there will be days you eat Twinkies in the closet. I finally get it.
Now I need to put a lock on my closet door.